Monday, March 8, 2010

Aint no rest for the wicked

So I have Transient Insomnia and for a while there I had no issue sleeping, but lately I cannot close my eyes. I hate it. Having insomnia is like being stuck between reality and a dream. You're conscious but you can't decipher if that really happened or if it was a dream. The longest period of time I have ever gone without sleep, lasting more than an hour at a time, was sixteen days. My eyes blur and I can't find the right words. If it gets really bad, I can start having auditory and slight visual hallucinations. But as of right now it isn't that bad, not even close. I don't know why I can't sleep, and it's just infuriating.

It's like night after night I just lay there and stare at my wall waiting to drift off but my mind won't turn off. "I have so much to do. This is a waste of time. Get up. I have no time for this nonsense. Wake up!" I just keep reminding myself of all the things that I have to do. Get a car, find a job, help out my ma, pay to get the gas turned back on. Jesus...

I've tried everything. Create a bedtime routine, make your room totally dark, make it completely quiet, and I refuse to take addicting sleeping pills, nothing ever works. So all I can do is wait for this to pass, like it always does, and until then just deal. Drink a lot of caffeine and try to wear myself out eventually. From one exhausted human to another. Goodnight.

"There ain't no rest for the wicked,
Money don't grow on trees,
I've got bills to pay, I've got mouths to feed,
There ain't nothing in this world for free,
Oh no I can't slow down, I can't hold back,
Though you know I wish I could,
No, there ain't rest for the wicked,
Until we close our eyes for good."

Janaye Campbell

WHS

Wickenburg, Ariz.


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3 comments:

  1. ShaynaMarch 9, 2010 at 12:12 PM

    I used to have the same problem, but I gave in and took the sleeping pills that my doctor described. I remember that I used to just stare up at my ceiling bascially thinking the same things you do, "I have to do this. I should be doing that." I was against taking the sleeping meds for such a long time becuase they are super addictive, but I found that instead of taking them everyday, I just take them every other day and it works just the same. Whether or not it's preventing an addiction, I don't know, but if it helps me get up and get to school in the morning I'm all for it.

    Shayna Innocenti
    WHS
    Wickenburg, Ariz.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lucy RandazzoMarch 9, 2010 at 12:12 PM

    My mom has that, and I can just see how confused and disoriented she gets when it lasts too long. You could probably tell her the house is on fire and it would take forever for her to process it.

    Lucy Randazzo
    WHS
    Wickenburg, Ariz.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Janaye CampbellMarch 10, 2010 at 9:40 AM

    The thing is I would love to take the sleep medication but most medication for sleep disorders are made from some kind opiate and I was hardcore addicted to opiates at one point. Not like heroine or Opium, more over the counter pain pills like Vicodin and Morphine so I actually refuse to take ANYTHING just because of my past. That's why you don't mess with things like that. It screws you up for life.

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